Signing Off

This is the place.
San Juan, La Union

“Here comes the bride, putting all the gimiks aside...”

This is what I sing in my head when a friend of mine walks down the aisle. It’s been years since I’ve been friends with these people. And I wonder, what gets into their heads to settle down so early. I almost forgot, we are all turning 25 years old this year, well, I am already 25, the age where we think is ideal to tie the knot.

I have to come clean, yes, I do have wedding stuff going on in my quirky head. Who wouldn’t want to wear that white virginal gown and be the prettiest woman in the eyes of that certain guy who makes your world upside down? It’s so dreamy. It’s so worth your 3 hours daydreaming. But do fairytale weddings do come true?

A lot of my friends lately have been asking me when I would go next. Most of my high school friends already did. I told myself, “so what? I’m still having a blast being who I am today.” But on the second thought, I would love to. I would love to experience that same nirvana they have been. I am on the right age, I guess. And I have a man who compliments my everything.

Pressured. Well, yes. I have to admit that. My mom has two kids when she was my age today. And look at me, I’m having a blast here as a college student.

Sometimes, I can’t help imagining what my wedding would be like. I wanted it to be the most memorable time of my life, not only for me but also for the people who will witness it. I want it also to be somehow a wedding that reflects my personality and my groom’s.

So what pops into my mind is a beach wedding. Who wouldn’t find a beach setting romantic? I am not really excited but I already research how much a beach wedding would punch holes to our pockets (ok, I am in denial, I am too excited for it). But what the heck, daydreaming about it is still priceless.

I don’t know if I should still break down all the ideas I have in mind. But I would keep it a secret for now. I would want my wedding to be very unique (thanks to Juday-Ryan wedding, they stole my ideas..hahaha). I would want everyone who will be attending to be in awe and will take them years to get over my wedding (ok I am exaggerating here, but why not?). And I want the whole world to know that this special day, someday, is the start of the happiest days of our lives. Sounds more ideal than real? (wait, are you my mom speaking? Kidding). I know, but knowing what inside my heart is not. So nothing’s impossible for me.

So right now, you are cordially invited to the wedding of the century. When? Well, we have to wait for that. I know it is worth waiting for. But hey, should I be the one waiting for that?

I am 25 years old. My heart and mind tells me, “When you are ready, then we’ll take you to the flight of eternity.” But when will that be? When will I tell the whole world, "This is Single Trisha, now signing off."?

I love the rainbow after the storm

“After the storm, there comes the rainbow. “

These past weeks, I had a battle that caught me off guarded. I never thought that the person I trusted all my life would actually treat me someone like, a stranger.
I love my friends so much. I can say I would do everything for them not to experience the same shit I had experience from the past. Yes. I am very protective. This is only because they are more like a family to me already.

I know. I know. I am known to be the “machine gun mouth” in our circle of friends, which is only when I am trying to point out something. But, my machine gun like mouth has a purpose and that is again to protect them.

When can you tell if you are too much of giving that protection? Well, just like what happen to me, I almost lost the best friend I have known all my life.

One day, we were asked to head towards the faculty area. The rest of the girls in the class and I were escorted to have a meeting regarding our behaviour in class (yes, I guess I was troublesome back in Grade school). “They were the first one to offend me.” Yes. My first encounter with my best friend was a fight, between me and her friends. I can’t remember what the reason behind the fight is. But what’s important is what happened after that. The rest of girls became my friends (some until now) and Haydee became my best friend.

We share a lot back in high school. Not only answers to assignments and tests but also our hullabaloos regarding our life back then. I remember how she was against me having a boyfriend back in high school since I’m still young. I remember the letters we used to send each other (even if we see each other every day). And the heart breaks we had, the pain we learned to overcome and the silly “I can’t make it” stuff. I’m just so blessed having her. She’s not only my shock absorber but my number one critic as well. We blend so much with the rest of our barkadahan. Adding Sarah to our craziness, it’s one hell of fun.

College is just the same. We still find time to be together. Shop together. Dine together. And again, our non stop chattering regarding everything and anything under the sun. O God I miss that.
Time is, yes, inevitable. We meet other people. We prioritize things differently. Yet, friendship is still there, even if we haven’t speak for a while. It is amazing how even if we don’t speak much, they still know what to say, know what you exactly feel. This is what I love about my friends; they know me from the core, no pretentions.

Exposing ourselves to different perspective about life, different opinions and views, we started arguing about things, which in the past, we really don’t. And the worst of the worst, we fought about some silly guy-love-him stuff.

I never saw this. I never thought we would actually fight because of a guy. (Ok, it’s not what you think. We are not fighting because we fell for the same guy, that’s silly) I would not expound this part but what happen here is pure misunderstanding.

We grew apart because of this. And I never like this part. So I’ll fast forward.

After all the you-pointing-at-me-me-pointing-at-you scenario, we are back on track again. Why would we let this fall us apart when the foundation we had made is buried down the core? We are more like sisters (together with Sarah, Armee, Aby). I know we know that even if we fail, commit those silly mistakes all over again, we still have each other’s back. And I love them not only because of this but because no matter how stupid I look or act, they will still love silly Pat (my high school nickname).

To my friends all these years, thank you for making my life the best journey ever. You kept me on pedestal and for that I have my entire life to thank you. I’m sorry for all my shortcomings. You know how sometimes I can be so silly. And thank you for understanding that.

To my best friend, for almost 15 years, you know how much I love you. I am sorry for being too protective of you. I feel like an older sister seeing her younger sister grow up so fast (wait, you are 10 days older than me). I know we all make mistakes. And no matter how many times you fall, no matter how many times you make a silly out of yourself, you still have me. Hear me when I say, you will always have my back... and kill those guys who hurt you...hahaha..I’m just kidding.

For those who might be reading this, I tell you, keep the people who tell you your mistakes in front of your face; they are who defines as a true friend.

In my view

At a very young age, I was forced to work to maintain our lifestyle. This saddens me for the fact that I have to drop all my subjects in UST to support my family. I believe I am living my life retrospectively. Working at a young age and then you see me, as a student of Miriam College which I should have done, many years back. I have no regrets. I can really say this because the life I am experiencing right now would have not happen if I didn’t experience the life we had before. I can even say I am thankful for the struggles and pain because it helped me become the person I am today.
I consider myself to be a very diverse person. I love trying out something new every time I have the opportunity. I love adrenaline rush and the butterfly in the stomach feeling every time I try something new. This is why it is very hard for me to stick with one hobby because I always have this hunger of looking for more.
I love the notion of living your life in the beach. I never expected that I will long for the desire to live near it. I love the relax atmosphere. I love the local people living around it. I just love the feeling of being surrounded by the most beautiful creation of God. And I love watching sunsets. I want to see myself growing old hearing the waves and the breeze of the ocean.
Because of this craving, I have been going to the beach, particularly San Juan, La Union long beach line. My boyfriend brought me for the very time (yes of my entire life) to the beach. This brought a huge impact to my ways and thinking as a person. I thought to myself, ‘how can I be so blind to the real concept of peace and beauty?’. This experience brought so many changes, in the way I see people, things and events in my life. I want to be in tune with Nature because this brings me the tranquillity I have been looking for. However, my being an “adrenaline-sucker” person, I’ve been trying to surf the waves of San Juan, La Union. I know to myself it will take time, for the fact that I am very clumsy and that I don’t know how to swim. I know I will learn soon. Just seeing my boyfriend doing his stuff in the waves makes me crave for me to learn as soon as possible (he’s been a surfer for 9 years.).
When I’m not wandering the beach of San Juan, you can find me in my room “playing” my gadgets. My laptop has been my best friend for almost a year now. When I have no one to talk to, I just switch it on and be online and there, I can find my friends who are as net freak as I am. Social networking has really been a part of my daily routine. I just can’t explain why I’m so hooked with this stuff. But one thing is for sure, I am very fond of it. Good thing my dad bought me a wifi device so my brother and I won’t fight for the internet connection. The only thing is that, my mom always scolds us because our electricity bill is sky high.
With my room fully renovated as of today, this really helped me relax more. I am a very reserved person. Contemplating with my thoughts has always been a part of my daily routine. That’s why I am fond of blogging as well. It helps me releases the negativities in me. It also helps me express my deepest thought better. But what makes this even better is that, I can do this alone in my room. Solidarity is very important to me. It is more like a sacred moment for me. And with that, I love working alone, doing things on my own, alone.
This is why it’s hard for me to trust anyone. I have to make sure that people has to work hard for me before I gave them my trust and this goes the same with the products that I use. I am a minimalist when it comes to accessorizing myself. I rarely wear makeup. I don’t even know how to use one. I believe in a different notion or perspective of beauty and this won’t include having this “mess” on one’s face. My beauty products are simple as well. I’ve been using them for some years already and I can say I am still happy with them. I just use the basic. Nothing really fancy. I often use bay products for my skin is very sensitive. And this results also me buying expensive products to refrain getting rashes all over my skin. It’s hard to maintain my skin, especially my face. This has become one of my insecurities, but I am trying to love my own.
With my busy schedule in school, I am having a hard time engaging myself to play sports, though surfing has been a part of my craving lately. But I do have a couple of sports that I used to play before. I used to be a varsity player for volleyball back in high school. I can play baseball as well. It was a surprised that I can play Badminton too (I used to play lawn tennis, used to having strong pulse), after our team won the championship last year for an intersection competition here in Miriam.
Today, what keeps me busy is school works. I’ve been a dedicated student since I stepped here in Miriam College. I am already sleep deprived because of my “no mistake, no failure” works. But this satisfies me. I love getting good grades, for my family and for myself. Well, I do still have a life after school, if you don’t find me looking for a vintage piece in a “tiangge” and some stuffs that’s very affordable, you can find me with my buddies in BULLET, a Bulacan photoclub also known as Bulacan Letratista. Photography has been a passion for me lately. I don’t have the right gadget but to them, I am already taking good pictures. These feedback gives me the high. It gives me so much energy to enhance what I already have. Just like blogging, this passion provided me with the freedom of expressing what I have inside and how I appreciate even the little things around me.
I am already in the quarter of my life now. I feel like I have so many things to accomplish still. But to tell you honestly, I don’t still have a concrete plan after graduation. I feel like I need to settle down by then (I am already 27 years old by that time). I feel like a have to compete with the young people who graduated the same year that I am. But what is concrete now is what I want to be in the future. I want to work as a correspondent travelling across the globe. I want to take photographs of the best places in the world. And most of all, I want to be a mother of two beautiful kids, married to the man of my dreams.
I really want my future to be something that I deserve. I want to have a simple life, a life where we can support the needs of my future family and a life with a little extra so that I can help others.

FOR SALE: Dignity?

It was an exhausting day commuting back to our house in Bulacan. My class in Journ was dismissed early so I felt like I can go home as early as possible. It was raining outside and what a bad day, I lost my umbrella, which I always do (nothing really new about that either). So before I head back to our house, I decided to loiter around SM Marilao (which is in fact, a few blocks away from our house, like 3 minutes of walking). The scenery is just the same. Students from different schools are loitering around just like me. Parents buying school supplies for their kids. I wonder how much Henry Sy is getting everyday from its sales
Anyway, I'm not really after his earnings. (except if he'll gave a portion of it to me...hahaha)

I carried myself towards the department store where I really find great stuff (indeed, SM lives by its motto, "We've got it all for you."). I helped myself not to stare at some parts, most especially the shoe section. I'm having a hard time refusing from this good stuffs. I wish I just can have them all...hahaha...

Walk. Walk. Walk. Finally, I found this small kiosk where they sell umbrellas. This is actually the lone reason why I'm at the mall. I'm really picky when it comes to choosing my stuff. So upon trying several umbrellas, I found two, one for me and one for Daniel. It looks good. It's funny because even umbrella tends to follow the technology today where everything is only a click of a finger. Well, in this case, a push from your thumb. This one is really nice, I thought. But say hello to the price, it costs me P800 pesos for just these two "techie" looking umbrella. Well, trisha, you really need it.>

But what really caught my attention today is this one fine woman. She looks elegant with her blue ensemble. She's with her daughter, same thing, buying her a new umbrella. Since, I am very friendly with mostly a lot of people, sharing a smile won't be hard for me. So I guess, the saleslady assign to this kiosk had a fun time with me while choosing the right umbrella that I'm looking for. While this saleslady is looking for a new stock of umbrella, all of a sudden this fine woman suddenly burst out, "ano ba yan ang bagal bagal mo?hindi lang sya ang customer na magbabayad ng payong na tinitinda mo!" I was shock for a moment. I thought to myself. What's wrong with this woman? I mean does she ever encounter the word patience?and waiting? She looks educated, but it doesn't reflect her attitude. Very wrong move.

As I head towards the cashier to pay this incredibly expensive umbrella, my mind was clouded with the situation and humiliation the fine saleslady got. What did she do to deserve that kind of treatment? Is it because she is JUST A SALESLADY?

Do society really have a stereotypical notion about salesladies? What makes them think they are higher than those people? What makes this fine woman act as if she owns the entire mall?

What's wrong with the world today? Simple. It reflects in simple situation we encounter everyday. And I just shake my head in pure shame.

Hating your own best friend...then

Being with these people is like going to my comfort zone. They make me feel like I can be who ever I want to be. And I thank God, He gave me these crazy boys and girls to share my crazy life with.

We have been together for 14 years, 14 wonderful years. We can't remember how we started or how our friendship blossom into what it is now, but one thing is come on to all of us, we know how to value friendship. We know how to make each other happy and we know how to deal with each other's attitude.

The above photo is our 10th year anniversary as friends. A lot has changed. The way we look. The way we move. But one thing has never changed, how we treat each other. And I love them so much for that.

However, since change is very inevitable, things change unexpectedly. And what I hate about this change is it caught me when I'm not ready.

You see, I value this friendship so much. They are already my family (well, whether they like it or not..hahaha). I would do everything to save them from any pain. I've always been there for them and I always make it to a point that I'll free myself from anything when they need me.

So when my best friend declared this so called "cold war", I didn't know how to react. Should I laugh? Should I get worried? I really don't know, because in the first place, why would she treat me that way? Just because of a guy I don't really like for her?

I am hurting because officially today, she virtually removed me out her life. I really don't know what drove her of doing this. I can't believe she's actually throwing our 14 years of solid friendship because of this guy. I can't believe that after all we have been through, she will put it all to waste. All I've done is to guide her, and then this is what I get.

I don't know how to react really. I feel numb. I feel like I just a nobody. What had gone wrong? This will haunt me until I reach for an answer. For now, I'll stop thinking of what I have done wrong. For now, I'll stop thinking of the things that I should have done to save this friendship. Because for now, what I'll do is to stop thinking how to resolve this because I've already done my part, and it is up to you Haydee to do yours.

P.S

I've grown tired of your childish ways. And I won't buy it this time.

Reminiscing the old Quiapo

I went to Quiapo today. Why? I really don't know. Daniel and I just decided a few weeks back to have a visit to this place. It's been since I had sweep the street of Carriedo. I remember back then when I was still, let me see, I think I was 6 or 7 years old, when my mom and dad usually take us to Quiapo to visit the church and eat in this restaurant where I had the best Camaron Rebusado. I can still vividly recall how the restaurant looks like and how the smells lingers to my nose. It was really a fun memory, because those were the few we had as a complete family visiting Quiapo.

Anyway, back to our escapade, Quiapo has always been the crowded place in Manila. People selling so many things you can imagine. It was so humid. I can feel my skin glistening under the scorching heat of the sun. The place is crowded. Well, it always has been. It’s fun of vendors in every corner of the street. It makes me wonder if these people are still earning money with hundreds of competitors around them.
Since having no plan of what to buy, we tour ourselves around the streets of Quiapo. You can find anything and everything you can imagine. From those weird those to the fascinating replica bags you can find in the market. It was kinda funny because you can’t really decide what to buy. Sometimes you might want to think if you really need these things. But with the price it is offering to the buyers, well, it’s really cheap. I was able to buy 3 really nice bags, and I spent only 1,130. This makes me compare, if I brought my one thousand pocket money, I’ll only get to spend it with, well, a bag. To a shopaholic like me, this place is a haven. I can find cool things with such a minimal cost.
As we head to the end of the street, I almost forgot that what made this place famous is the church of Quiapo. Wow, I’m here again, where my parents used to bring me when I was really young. The place is still the same, except for the fact that it was almost buried with the crowd Quiapo has. You can still find the candle sellers who they always tells its customer that we can pray for those who we love and we don’t in representation of these odd looking candles. You can also find in the corners those who sell herbal medicine and those silly things they call “gayuma”. On the other end are the fortune tellers, whom you can tell, they have grown old with this practices. It makes me wonder, what really makes Quiapo a familiar and famous place to visit if you are in Manila. Is it really the church or the people and things around it?
Maybe you’ll be asking if I had the chance to go inside Quiapo church, I have to come clean, I didn’t. I really don’t know why. I just feel that I have to be honest with myself. I don’t want to present myself to Him with the intention of just shopping around the area, not really going to where I should be. And also, I haven’t been going to church lately. It’s not I’m against the church, it is just that I’m not ready. (It’s another issue, wait till I explain it here.)
All in all, my visit to Quiapo has always been unique. I’ve been hearing a lot of stereotypical opinions about Quiapo, that it is surrounded by pick pocket people, that is dirty and unorganized. Well, Quiapo, in my opinion wouldn’t be as famous as it is now without those “compliments”. But I tell you that not everything you hear about this place is true. Maybe you have to experience it by yourself. Maybe in your visit, you would have sworn that you will be back in this place they call Quiapo.

(credits to Mr. Ryan Gonzalvo, a friend of mine, for the beautiful photo above)

10 days late (a re-post)

I hate reminiscing the past… I hate bringing back old happy memories when yesterday, that memory was all you ever wanted. I hate reminiscing what used to be, because no matter what i do, things won’t be the same again. It sucks to know that whenever you need him, his always there., just like before. But there’s a weird feeling of guilt because we should have been together, still. and a part of me is hurting. I don’t know why but maybe because he can no longer fight for me because he choose to stand by her side. It’s true that when you decide to break somebody’s heart not out of love, having even a small conversation can bring back a small portion of the feeling before.

I am not talking about love here. I am talking about the feeling of regretting what happened before. I shouldn’t have chosen to break his heart. he is such a good man. I was his girl and he was proud of telling the whole world that i was his. He gave me all the love in the world. He gave me the love I didn’t even expect he will give, but he did. He was faithful to me for the last 18 months that we used to be together…how can I broke his heart just that easy…

Here I am, wondering why am i thinking about what has already been done. And besides, it’s been 6 years since our break up and saw each other. but it still lingers on my ears his last words to me,

"you are 10 days late, it should have been us…"

10 days late..just 10 days…

Now I have learn to appreciate each day with the people around me. You can never really tell when it is too late already.

Being with him taught me a lot of things, about letting go and moving on. he
made me be more careful to my decisions. and most of all to FIGHT FOR WHAT I WANT.

I would have never met Daniel if we didn’t separate ways. And I could tell, I already have surpassed the feelings we used to share than what I have with Daniel right now. I wouldn’t have love Daniel this much if he didn’t taught to fight for it.

Thank you for shaking my head, for opening my eyes to the reality that what i did
can never be erased no more. I know in time we will just laugh on the things that has already been said and done.

Until we meet again….
thank you…

Maybe your lovestory...

Cold weather. Fresh air. Finally I thought it would be the best time to regenerate, not only for myself but also for our relationship that had been bruised. Yes. The love story that everyone thought is a fairy tale had gone out of control. And yes, it was the darkest day of my life. It was like a villain that had taken over over me and dragged me to the deepest. But just like any love story, or should I say, most love story deserves a second try. Here we are, trying to revive the love, time and moments we lost when we separate ways.

I tried my best. I tried so many things I know I am not used to be. But what the heck, I don’t give a damn. All I know is that I need this. I need to do things to revive this love story I thought would change my life. And yes, it did. It changes my entire life , the entire person I am right now. Regret? What is it for me now? For all I know, regret won’t be the best word to describe what I feel.

Expectation. Expectations. I really hate this word. Why it has to be in my life’s vocabulary? It brings hate; it brings tears to my eyes. It brings disappointments I can’t barely handle. It disheartens me that everything I thought would happen soon is now far from reality. Yes, expectations have created turmoil in my head. A weakening disease inside my heart and destroyed my being optimistic about life. I wonder how a single word can affect so many aspects of my life. How a single word gave me a time bomb tickering so quickly.

Yesterday is now a part of my life. I can never turn it back. Another wasted moment of what could have been. Is expectation the twin of insensitivity? I certainly hope not. Because if this is so, my love story is in danger right now. Yesterday, I thought I saw a glimmering possibility of what I needed all along. But guess what? It just passed by me just like a flowing water in my hand that quickly escapes. I thought it was the day. But yes, it is a day of another disappointment.

I never demanded so much in my life. All I want is to be just like any normal woman of my age. A nice life with the man of their lives. I wanted that. Who wouldn’t? Expectations claims to be the twin brother of insensitivity, yes, I believe in this case. I just hope I am so numb not to feel it. I feel like I am already trap and stuck forever. I thought I don’t want to escape but, as stars quickly vanish the sky, I wanted to go.

Yes, it is just a ring. But it’s the assurance that I needed all my life. I am breathing heavily. I feel that this no boundary ring will save me from this sanity I am going through. Why most woman of my age already have it, for God knows it is me who anticipated it all my life. Questioning myself doesn’t help. It only leaves me driving in the world of wandering.

Just a ring. Just a simple, inexpensive piece of scrap metal embedded with a life time commitment. Is it really too much to ask for?

I thought our love story is like that of a fairy tale. That one day, he will ask me to be his forever and swept me off my feet. But is it really for me? Or should I accept the fact that it’s not meant to be?

It’s funny how a single moment can damage you deep within your core. Now, I will try to learn to forget that piece of scrap metal. I will try to fall asleep when on a separate bed, there he is, sound asleep.

my first day as a Junior

A(h1n1) has been the talk of the town for quite sometime right now. And the moment it stepped on the very soil of our country, the authorities said, it is under control. Thermal scanners all over the airport, medical professionals were all over the place as well to insure the safety of everyone. But here we are, with shields and swords to fight this virus. Is our preparation really enough? Are we really taken care of by this institution who said they will?

************************************************************************************

My friends and relatives often tell me that I’m very fortunate to be with one of the best schools here in our country. This acknowlegement sometimes gives pride to me and feel like I’m one of those few who are lucky to be in Miriam College. With the best professors in town, clean environment and friendly atmosphere, how in the world would you get lost in this place? It has been my second home now, for 3 years starting today.

Okay, I have to come clean that my summer’s not yet over. I still feel going to the beach and have some tan. But on a second thought, school has always been something exciting to me. Not only that I will learn new matter, I’ll also be with my friends again, which is one of the reason why I love Miriam College so much.

Yesterday, I never felt walking around the campus very anxious. It felt like I have to watch my back all the time for an opponent we don't know where it is coming. I still don't understand why Miriam College risked the safety of their students. I thought their preparations where enough to make us feel secure inside the campus but I was in shocked. What would a tarpaulin and some leaflets do to save us from this virus? I was really disappointed. I had to asked the lady guard if those were the only “precautions” they can provide us. I know I sounded discourteous but I can’t help it.

I expected that this day would be something memorable. Above all, this is the very first day of us being Juniors. Yet, the scare deprive us of enjoying this day. This scare provided nothing but anxious faces and doubts around the area. What more for the 1st year students? This is their first day of college, how do they feel?

So I’m ending this entry with a question on my mind, what went to their minds to risk our safety? I never thought this institution I thought who would protect us from anything that will harm us would actually open us to a risk, a very unecessary risk that will jeopardize not only the students but also the reputation of this institution. It’s just a matter of days, why Miriam College deprived this from us?